By Martin Lenkowsky | New Pelican Writer
Pompano Beach – When someone cooks you a nice dinner at their home, it is not necessary to respond exactly in kind by having them over at your place for a meal.
However, some form of reciprocation to show your gratitude is needed, says Palm Aire resident and social psychologist Dr. Melissa Pigott, Ph.D., who just authored a book on the topic of social etiquette aptly entitled, “The Social Psychology of Etiquette, Please Don’t Kick The Cat.”
Pigott has worked as a trial consultant since 1989 representing clients with high-stakes litigation worth millions to billions of dollars. Her business has taken her “from Alaska to the Virgin Islands.”
Pigott, a fourth-generation Floridian, was born in Fort Myers, and has lived in Pompano Beach for more than 30 years. She obtained her undergraduate degree at Miami’s Florida International University, and went on to Florida State University for both her master’s and doctorate degrees.
The official publication date for her new book was Oct. 6. The Washington D.C. publisher/book store Politics & Prose will be handling both in store, and online sales of the book. Plus, she said, the book’s release went “very well and there’s been some interest.”
Pigott intends to show people there’s a right way to do things, and good, polite manners and etiquette will lead to a positive understanding of life. She points out her latest book, she’s written three others before, is not a book on etiquette, per se.
In other words, do not expect to see a primer on the proper placement of eating utensils at your dining room table.
Instead, it is described as a social psychology text focusing on the crucial impact of etiquette on social interaction in our increasingly impolite world.
The book’s stated philosophy is, “regardless of one’s social status, to know it’s always possible to enhance the manner we interact with the people we encounter.”
Pigott wants to promote civility and positivity in an uncivilized world. When people – friends or strangers – treat us kindly, it’s just proper etiquette to reciprocate, and, “not be on the take, take, take,” Pigott says. “That’s what reciprocity is all about.”
Unfortunately, Pigott has witnessed a decline in social etiquette in many aspects of life, exacerbated by the social isolation brought on by COVID. “Since the pandemic a lot of people no longer interact with others in person. You go to a restaurant and everyone is on their phone.”
Additionally, since COVID, a large number of people now work remotely at home. However, on a more optimistic note, Pigott envisions better times ahead. “Etiquette is coming around again,” she opines.
All in all, with today’s increasingly high-tech society, there has been a change in what is now considered proper etiquette. “It’s now acceptable to invite someone online using an Evite,” she said. “But do not bring a ‘plus one’ unless they’re invited.”
And Emily Post, heart be still; it is now perfectly acceptable to use text messaging in place of the traditional thank you note.
As for her book’s feline-related subtitle, the idea originated in an ugly, outrageously unacceptable incident that took place when a houseguest of Pigott and her husband “literally” kicked their beloved cat away when he felt it was bothering him. Needless to say, he is no longer their friend.
And speaking about our furry friends, Pigott’s book will introduce Eddy Cat as a graphic tool to create interest in learning about “new modern etiquette.” Plus, she’ll soon be launching, It Is Not Okay, a series of weekly online tips (itisnotokay.com) of etiquette issues and solutions, available by complimentary subscription. Visit socialpsychologyofetiquette.com to buy a copy of her book.
“Eddy Cat is a metaphor to just be nice,” said Pigott.
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